Reversing the downward spiral.
Lately, I’ve been doing the bare minimum of my responsibilities. I rarely leave my home and I’ve neglected work so often that many fans have asked if I’d quit. I’m not making healthy choices, I don’t feel emotionally stable, and I have exiguous creative energy.
But I plan to change this!
I want to create positive changes in my life and reverse this debilitating cycle.
The first step, and my ultimate goal, is to work consistently, daily, five days a week. Even if it means working 1 hour a day, 5 days a week. Ideally, I hope to manage my depression/anxiety enough to work 4 hours a day, 5 days a week.
That probably sounds like a piece cake to most of you, huh?
It is difficult for me because my depression keeps me procrastinating, and my anxiety about not making any money after working keeps me from even starting. Even though it is rare to work for a minimum of 1 hour and make absolutely NO money, I just smoke throughout the day and worry more and more until I eventually give up at bed time.
I dwell on a rare problem and let it take over until there is nothing I can do to backtrack from that “zero” place. Can you relate to this problem?
The single-draw tarot reading I did the day I signed up for this blog was The Magician, and the related guidebook said that I have trouble starting things. This is absolutely true about me, so I think I will try to combat that anxious reluctance by just starting!
I started writing this blog post. I started messaging fans. They were receptive and now I am giving myself about 1 hour and I will start work.
Final thoughts before STARTING.
I always feel better after I start something, but I feel amazing when I manage to finish something. The way you feel after your 9-5 workday is over is how I am going to feel after working for 1 hour in my own apartment, even if I don’t make a single dollar. I’m telling myself not making money at the beginning of my comeback is okay, as long as I am trying.
I hope that this does not sound like bragging. This is simply admitting the kind of power the disease has over me.
But I am working on overcoming my depression one hour of work, one cleaning session, one healthy meal, one bit of exercise, and one blog entry at a time.
Best of luck on all our individual journeys upward. Excelsior!