A Shitty Night

Before I report on NYCC 19, I have to clear my head.

Comic Con was a lot of fun, but there was some drama after I lost an important item on my way out. Hopefully, I can resolve that issue this week because it has drastically altered my post-convention high into a hazy, physically painful depressive slump.

I know some people close to me are feeling badly as well, for their own personal reasons.There is an all-around bad energy stagnant in my apartment and it is putting people on edge.

We are all tired and having bad nights. I feel extra sensitive that people think I am annoying and a burden. It is just not a good night for others to snap at me for being myself.

I hate when people tell me they are tired because it always sounds so accusatory. I’m not keeping you awake. Those people should get ready for bed earlier and go to sleep, instead of waiting until they’re cranky and then complaining to me constantly, or making me feel like I’ve been indefinitely hindering their nighttime routine.

In this particular instance, I wanted to light a candle in my room because no one aired out the apartment even tho it smelled like MEGA POOP. We have a railroad style apartment. If you don’t create a draft, all the smell gathers in MY bedroom. Ironically, one of the cleanest rooms (mine) in the apartment has to smell like shit bc of someone else’s inconsiderate laziness.

Yet, I was given a bad attitude for wanting to light a candle in my putrid smelling room. Maybe because it was a new candle and they didn’t want me to use their things? Or maybe they just don’t care that my room now smells like a toilet even though the courteous thing to do would be to crack the windows and let fresh air flow through our apartment?

When I inquired about the issue, it was apparently because they were tired and wanted to shower. I didn’t realize me lighting a candle in an attempt to mask the toxic cloud of shit you somehow managed to condense ONLY in my room was the reason you were tired…

But it’s totally fair to get mad at your roommate because you’re tired from hanging out with your other friends all day. No. It was me trying to fumigate my own bedroom from my roommate’s shit cloud that made them tired and yell at me for being in the way. MY BAD LOL.

Okay I am ranting. But seriously. Crack the windows in your apartment to promote AIR flow and POSITIVE ENERGY flow. Now we know why everyone is feeling off-balance; poo air hasn’t been able to circulate out! Poo air = poo energy.

Before getting yelled at, I lit the candle and said:

The fire and air that make the flame, the wick from the earth, the water that flows in all of us

Cleanse our apartment of malodor and negative energies.

And so it is.

Then I was kicked out of the bathroom and changed my mind after getting a bad vibe. I blew the candle out and shouted that I was sick of everyone treating me like I’m always such a burden. Idk if they heard me through the door, or if they even cared.

When you feel lonely, you always feel like a burden, and you think no one cares.

I put the un-lit candle on my roommate’s bed in an attempt to telepathically communicate to them that I was no longer interested in using that candle. Not sure if they understood though.

I opened the windows and feel air flowing from bedroom to living room. Did the candle do the trick in such a small amount of time?

Hopefully this good energy helps us all reset so we can go back to having lovely aromas and cool breezes and less abrassiveness towards someone who just got you a gift from NYCC and has verbally expressed sadness and loneliness and suicidal humor. But no one takes me seriously when I say those things anyway…so let’s keep treating me like the annoying burden who delayed your shower ten minutes.

Sorry for going emo before getting into the fun parts of NYCC. I think it’s important for me to express these feelings before they build up.

Tomorrow is another day to do (and feel) better. Let’s try our best!