Bad Sleep – Night 4

When I closed my eyes just now, I saw a dried out bee’s nest. What does that mean?

I am sleeping on my bed backwards — with my feet by the headboard — because something in the room feels off, which makes being upside-down seem more appropriate.

My whole body hurts so badly that my bed feels like it’s made of concrete.

I’m too hot until I take off my blanket, then I’m freezing until I pull it back up over my ears.

I’m laying on my side with no comfortable position for my ankles. They feel like stones digging into each other — apparently I don’t even need to consciously act out in order to physically harm myself. 

Everything hurts. Everything. Even this sleep is going to hurt.

My pillow keeps choking me, matter how I try to adjust it.

I can only breathe manually because I keep forgetting that I’m supposed to.

I can barely keep my eyes open; the left eye hurts like it’s been scratched on the cornea.

I think I’m going to have fitful hypnic jerks all night and wake myself by talking in my sleep (again.)

I want to sleep with my bedroom door closed,  but the cats won’t let me. At least Cookie is cuddling with me for now.

Every time I fall asleep, I awaken to myself grabbing at something that doesn’t exist in this mortal world.

Is someone from elsewhere trying to take my hand and lead me away?

Or, am I trying to bring something back from another realm, but can’t pull it through the threshold?

I can barely stay awake while I write this. Now I just hope I can actually fall asleep when I am done.

Good night. Feel better.

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