Sup, Fellow Insomniacs?

I know I’m going to have a hard time sleeping tonight.

Making an attempt to sleep when you have insomnia is useless. I already know I probably won’t fall asleep as early as I’d like, so I’m trying not to get anxiety about it.

Forcing myself to “sleep” only leads to tossing and turning and racing thoughts and time checking and more stress. It never works.

If I am not going to fall asleep until 3 AM again anyway, I might as well read and watch new (to me) movies all night until my eyes shrivel up.

Maybe I’ll still end up being awake until dawn, but at least I spent the night becoming more cultivated.

I will also try not to go on another blog rant, although those tend to clear my mind of those aforementioned racing thoughts and can actually help the sleeping situation.

I remember having insomnia my whole life. I’d even go to school after barely sleeping or not sleeping at all. I guess being extroverted gave me to energy to stay awake during the day, but needless to say I was always late and my grades were horrible.

Then there was my young adulthood when I would party until the sun came up and sleep… sometimes? Obviously I had some supplementary help to keep me going, which definitely exacerbated my already-erratic emotional instability.

Now I am (undisclosed) years old and still struggle with insomnia from time-to-time. Sometimes I think it’s because of my medication, some nights it’s just because I just. can’t. sleep.

I wouldn’t mind the present-time sleepless nights so much if I wasn’t completely useless the next day. A bad night’s sleep inflames the ever-present lack of incentive. I can barely drag myself out of bed to take care of needs and wants, but the worst part is that I still can’t nap or sleep most of the time! WHY?

I sleep best when I am at my healthiest, but insomnia is still a menacing threat even on my best days. I will even try to do so much work, exercise, and physical activities during the day that my body is completely exhausted and my whirling thoughts don’t have time to materialize before I knock out.

That tends to work when I manage to fit all those draining projects into one day without hitting the wall.

Probably I should just train myself to excel during the day on less sleep. When did I start trying so hard to sleep on everyone else’s schedule anyway? I think I was just too lonely to sleep on the opposite schedule as my friends.

I do like my self-appointed “normie” waking schedule, but it doesn’t work when I can’t adhere to the normie sleep schedule. I have the option to sleep in, but I will lose time which should be spent doing productive things that aren’t appropriate night-time activities. Like jumping jacks, or vacuuming, or rearranging furniture (though my upstairs neighbors apparently don’t realize this…)

Not to mention the guilt I feel for sleeping in when everyone else is already working. Or the rude commentary from others about how it “doesn’t really matter” as if my schedule is somehow less important than my peers’ because I make it myself.

Enough digression, more reading and movie watching!

I hope we all get a peaceful night’s rest, but just in case you don’t:


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