Insomnia Tips that Rarely Help Me, but Might Help You

I frequently suffer from sleeplessness. It is a constant ongoing battle because it happens every few weeks. As you know, I have a few theories as to why, but ultimately the theories are useless if I don’t have an idea about how to remedy the situation.

Here are some tips that somewhat help me when I have my sporadic bouts of racing-thoughts-body-and-brain-so-tired-but-can’t-sleep-for-some-reason insomnia.

Maybe they can help some of you, even if they don’t always do something for me…

  1. Wake up and go to sleep at the same time every night.
    – I still don’t see how this is possible if I want to get maximum movie-watching, reading, video-gaming, TV-show-binge-watching on the weekends, when I typically go to sleep much later than I do Sunday – Thursday. I can see the logic behind it, and I also see this posted everywhere, so now I am posting it, too.
  2. Get a lot of sunlight, especially morning sunlight.
    – Though I am famous for my heart-shaped sunglasses, I think that getting as much sunlight (outside your home!) as possible during the day with your naked eyeballs can help your body learn to wake up earlier, when the sun is up. Theoretically, you should fall asleep earlier as well, but, again, very difficult for occasional creatures of the night. BOO!
  3. Don’t eat or drink things a few hours before bed.
    – I’m not great with numbers. There are probably tons of other websites with research about the exact amount of hours to stop eating and drinking before bedtime, but I simply say this so I don’t have spooky nightmares from late-night snacking, or have to pee every 5 seconds basically as soon as I get comfortable.
  4. Close your eyes and roll them around in your head.
    – I don’t know what this is supposed to do. Yoga for your eye muscles, maybe? It doesn’t work for me!
  5. Slightly move one muscle in your body at a time, starting with your pinky toe and working your way up.
    – This requires some serious mindfulness, and I’ve found it very difficult to accomplish on nights when I can’t get my mind off of something. Perhaps with practice I will become more skilled at this and use the meditative technique to help me focus my mind and body. Or, I could just get so bored of my own bod that I pass out.
  6. Imagine something going around in circles, like a clock, or a hula hoop going around your arm.
    – IT’S LIKE HYPNOTIZING YOURSELF! The hula hoop is my personal trick because I (somewhat poorly) used to be into hula hoop dancing. From my rave days, obviously…
  7. Count sheep, or imagine yourself counting while doing jumping jacks/sit-ups.
    – I don’t know why this is supposed to work, but it never gets me to bed! I always remember this Mr. Bean episode, though.
  8. Sleep in the dark, and in the quiet, (or with white noise/meditation sounds.)
    – I am usually too scared to sleep in the dark, and equally as scared to sleep with white noise and meditation sounds because I’m scared that the frequency will attract ghosts or nazi pirate radio or alien comedy shows.
  9. Read before bed, instead of watching TV or looking at your phone.
    – Keeping the blue light off your phone helps you fall asleep faster, and you can invert the colors on your Kindle/Reddit apps (the only acceptable nighttime apps) so the white background doesn’t singe your eyes. Night mode FTW. I’ll let you know when I figure out how to not fall asleep with the TV on a sleep timer.
  10. Take melatonin at night.
    – Lower doses are supposed to be more effective, and you’re at less risk of having unusual dreams (or nightmares!) Melatonin actually has helped me as long as I am properly following the final upcoming step in this post:
  11. Limit or stop alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, drugs, fun stuff comsumption.
    I don’t do all of this stuff, but… AGAIN… How? Lol.


Currently, the least spooky, sleep-friendly way I can figure out how to sleep is to take a 3mg melatonin about 90 minutes before bed, read a book on my (low power) backlit Kindle with light music playing on the TV on a sleep timer. The TV is just too dang bright though. Maybe I should move my Google Nest Hub Max to the bedroom?.. or get another one?.. I can’t stop.

Good luck tonight, sleepers!

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