Healing & Renewal

Does anyone else consult their tarot deck when they are going through a difficult time?

I keep going back-and-forth between feeling better about speaking up, and feeling scared about what people are saying.

I want to find inner peace and joy (which is why I have also been meditating with a carnelian crystal) through this confusing time. A lot of old emotions are being remembered, and negative emotions grow whenever I delve deeper into my past trauma.

For the third time in less than I week, I’ve told myself that I’ve done all I can, said all I need to say, and don’t have anymore thoughts on a certain incident. Now I can be done with it.

Today, the DJ drama came up again and I felt compelled to write more, to defend myself, and to make my story accessible to the public — some of whom choose not to respond delicately to this precarious situation.

Now that I’m alone with my thoughts, I can’t help but think of more things I want to say, but I truly want to stop thinking about this now that I’ve said my piece. Regardless of what people are commenting about me elsewhere (groupie, hapless, lacking accountability) I still think I did the right thing. I suppose I worry whether or not people believe what happened, and hope that my story illuminates this infamous person’s nefarious characteristics.

Of course I am receiving amazing support from my partner and close friends, plus a large amount of support for women who are victims of emotional manipulation and abuse, which is my case.

But there are still those people who can’t look past the mistakes I admitted to, and focus on the details that corroborate other victims’ stories.

I asked my tarot deck how to clear my head. The title of my #metoo post was, “Nuance” and I’ve been thinking about it all day. I pulled Temperance — Healing & renewal. Interpreted to mean I should bring balance back into my life to heal. Maybe. πŸ™‚ The idea of balance fits together so well in this circumstance.

It is true, a lot of my energy has been used to express my emotions toward this situation and it was necessary. Now that the post is readily available for anyone to read, I am in control of whether or not I look at Tumblr, Instagram, and Reddit. I will go back to limited Reddit browsing, Tumblr was simply an easy way to post my story, and I rarely use Instagram anyway. It should be simple for me I hope. It’s definitely better to stay away because I don’t know how a negative comment will affect my mental state a few days down the line.

I can finally say… I’m done with this for now!

My intention is not to tear anyone down, but to give those harmed more help defending themselves against this predator.

Listen to the girls and women, support victims, and keep fighting the good fight. ✌️

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