If I don’t get everything I want done on Monday, that’s okay because it’s a #TransitionalDay. I know there are four long, sorrowful days ahead and plenty of things to do on each one.
Really, I wanted to mess around with my new light and tripod to take practice pics, read 1 chapter of How to be an Antiracist, and 2-3 chapters of To Kill a Mockingbird. But truthfully, I did not. I did do productive things today, mind you, just not those 3 important things.
I’ve been having fun with my picture-taking and editing shenanigans, but now I’ve stepped up the game and invested even more money (what money?) into an updated circle light. I’d been using my antiquated umbrella lights for years and now I can altruistically pass them along to the next amateur photographer or streaming model and save them some money, while increasing their production value. Omg would that make me a producer?!
I’m not giving away my old tech because I’ve upgraded, I am providing equipment for you to produce content. And I’ll only take 10% of your profits! 😈 Joke.
Wouldn’t it be nice to get to a place where I start earning back the money I’m putting into my *~dream career~*? Ahh, okay blogging is not exactly my dream career and to be honest I don’t necessarily have a destination in mind. All I know is that I want to write something… anything that other people might like to read. I’ve been keeping relatively active about my writing — I feel okay just putting the words out there even if they aren’t as refined as my college essays. This is all very amateur now, but, in the future, if it ever earns an excess of cash moneys, I’ve imagined ideas for non-profits, charities, and grants. I swear I don’t have illusions of grandeur; I am inspired by people who do good and make positive changes.
I pray that these baby hamster steps will carry me to the dragon’s lair at the top of Mt. YouWillFail so I can nab a fancy goblet or enough gold pieces to build a youth center, or fund an animal rescue farm, or offer payment assistance for people who want plastic surgery for self-harm scars. I’ll be happy enough with a home and people brave enough to admit they’re a fan of my work — this work and my old work. 😉 I know that is more than anyone can ask for, and it’s plenty for me. Right now, I’m sticking to small goals like blogging once per day. I’ll work my way up to (friendly and pluralist) world domination soon.
So long as voyeurs and my comrades of emotional distress stay interested in the erratic fluctuations of my mood, and a good amount of unsubstantial content, I will keep recording my sad, weird thoughts and call it putting in my 10,000 hours. I think this post took me at least 700 hours because I’m writing it on my phone with only one tired eye fighting to stay open.
I’m sure that if I keep writing and keep pushing that I’ll find a path to a writing career organically in the future. Or maybe I’ll get into a graduate program in a few years? Or maybe I’ll suffer a series of unrelated tragedies that completely halt my desire to keep writing and bury the idea in a graveyard for lost hope, near several of my colleagues’ plots and the mausoleums that hold basically all of our parents’ desires.
On the subject of reading, I have recently completed Defending Jacob, Every Reasonable Doubt, and Just Mercy. While American justice system reform has always been a cause that I am interested in, the legal theme of those books has inspired me to write a comparative literature essay about racial prejudices in American judicial systems. The first title that came to mind as my primary source was To Kill a Mockingbird, and I haven’t read it since it was assigned in high school, so I’m happy to give it a second chance with my new knowledge and adult perspective.
As it turns out, Mockingbird will probably end up an excellent choice to use as the authoritative source because a major client in Just Mercy is from Monroeville, where Mockingbird is set. I swear I didn’t know this beforehand, so naturally I must humblebrag that I made my decision simply by knowing a decent amount of stuff.
With Monday being a legally mandated transitional day, my failure to complete literally the only two things I wanted to do today is not utterly shameful. There is still plenty of work to do in order to write a well-informed essay.
I have many essays, short stories, and looooong stories patiently waiting to move from limbo when I bless them with attention and baptize them with my loser tears. Why don’t I ever finish my own work?! I think it’s because I lack structure, clearly, so I am giving myself a deadline along with my “assigned reading homework.” I’ve always earned the best grades on my college essays when I wrote the final draft with a blazing fire licking my rear from below. I think it could motivate me to actually work on something from start-to-finish; I’ll punish myself if I don’t complete it by then. And not in a sexy way, either!
Imagine having to reprimand yourself for not finishing an essay you assigned yourself by a date that you chose yourself?
🎵Hey! Moody! Leave yourself alone!🎵 – Lilac Floyd
Even if this was school, I probably might have shirked my homework the first day if I had some weeks to finish an essay. Really, I am ahead since I’ve already finished the three longer books. I’m excited to do this practice essay, too, so I hope the wheels start turning as I begin the outlining and research steps. I haven’t picked a prompt yet either, but I doubt that will be hard since Mockingbird is canon lit.
Perhaps this all sounds a bit mad to the average person, but I’m itching to do an essay again now that it’s been blank years since I’ve graduated college! 😹 Part of the fun is all the prep work before writing the actual essay; English scholars get off on this.
In any case, this blog post counts as writing. Even though it’s me writing about writing… Again, if you think about it.
And if you really want to laugh, I will also be reading Doctor Sleep for the first time starting right meow. I’ll do my “homework” later! I WILL so get off my back! (Teenager voice)