Where to Begin?

One of my procrastination tactics is never wanting to start something because I’m waiting to get better tools.

A new notebook, a pen with a different weight, a newer computer, watercolor paints, a Wacom tablet, an iPad…

Now, I have pretty much have acquired everything I need to be able to create any comics, cartoons, doodles, sketches, paintings, stories, drawings, journals, notes, concepts, essays, or articles that I want. So where are the goods?!

And I’ll be honest and say that being privileged enough to be able to get everything I need is not always taken for granted, though I portray myself like that on this blog. The way I’m always whining about not wanting to do things, or feeling too much pressure to start something in the first place makes me seem like a spoiled brat.

Okay, admittedly, I can definitely be a diva about things at times, but I assure you that I totally get stuff done. I mean, even with depression, I rarely have “zero days.” For some who have a more difficult time managing their emotional disorders, it is not unheard of to skip basic hygiene, or even taking care of pets. Willing myself to take care of productive tasks does help balance the darkness, even if I don’t realize it at the time. I’m lucky that I have the capacity to handle that, so to the people who struggle with the day-to-day: hang in there and keep aiming for those “no zero days!” The little steps can help give you some momentum.

I do still think that my biggest issue is starting a task, no matter what it is. The only pastime that I’ve never had an issue starting is writing — and you can tell by my disjointed posts that I even have trouble stopping! But writing has always come naturally to me, and one of the things that makes it simpler is the fact that you can basically do it at any time, anywhere, on nearly anything. You just need a pen and paper in some form. I’ve written on napkins, post-its, in journals, on envelopes, index cards, paper bags, mirrors… I’ve used pens, pencils, markers, paints, lipsticks, eyeliners, my finger, and condiments.

It’s even easier now that we all have devices that we can whip out whenever something pops into our head. We can even access the same notes and files across any of our devices. What a time to be alive!

This hasn’t been the case with some of the other things I like to do until recently. If I ever caught the doodlebug, it would mean gathering any number of supplies that I felt like using and working on something that I might hate by the time I’m done. And that’s if I haven’t given up after a bit because I’m not happy with the way it looks. This has seriously affected my skill because it’s too much work to do something that I’m not proud enough to share. I don’t want to start, therefore I don’t practice.

Finally, with this iPad, I just open one of my drawing apps and I’m able to sketch out an idea so quickly. Everything is digital, but there are a lot of options when it comes to style, so I can doodle or try “painting.” It’s easier to start, and I’m more willing to go back to something I’ve started and keep working on it. Now if only I can finish something that is good enough to post…

I reckon now my biggest artistic challenge is thinking about what I want to draw, or paint, or make a comic about, or whatever. I’ve been out of the art game for so long, I don’t know where to begin. ALL THIS POWER AND NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT… AGAIN!

I’m just going to keep messing around and practicing until I become a worthy artist. There are so many talented people who I follow on various platforms and I want to be like them. It’s going to be work, but now that I have my most coveted tool, I don’t have an excuse and I just have to DO IT!

Yes, the featured photo is one of my masterpieces. 😂