Well, am I actually suffering? Or am I just not trying hard enough to be better and getting upset when I’m not getting everything I want?
It’s no wonder I’m always so miserable when it feels like I can’t see how badly I mess things up until after they’ve started destroying what I’ve built.
Honestly, I’m really trying to hold it together and maybe even get over the slump again despite the period bouts of insanity you see posted.
What am I actually holding together, though? It’s so hard for me to give more when apparently I need more myself.
How do people lower their expectations so they don’t feel disappointed? When will I learn to just keep my mouth shut and bury myself in work and chores and art and maybe turn fuck up after fuck up into something tangible.