Taking the plunge

I am strongly considering following my intuition and applying for graduate school this year, when the GRE requirements are waived and the deadlines are still about 4-6 weeks away.

Some people know exactly what they want to do when they’re still in secondary school. I just turned (undisclosed…) and it’s been 4 years since I graduated college with my BA. 🥲

Since then I’ve been at a total loss as to what I want to do next. I’ve bounced all over the place and changed my mind so many times that I’ve ended up here: funemployed, with my partner supporting me; a million cats, and considering getting a part-time job just so I can have some semblance of structure in my pathetic life.

Yes, never say you hate life. I saw that on my Sopranos rewatch the other day. It’s true. I’m not complaining about my life. I consider myself quite blessed and I am grateful most of the time but the indecisiveness and codependence and mental barriers are like their own emotional deaths themselves.

Can I resurrect myself into the hardworking, full-time-college-student-with-three-part-time-jobs of olde? Do I even know what higher educational path I want to take?

Will that help me get a career that will discipline and challenge me enough so that my fleeting sense of responsibility can evolve into a well put-together “adult” creature’s work ethic?

What writing sample would I even use for my application?!

These are the questions holding me back. I have until May 15 and June 1 to meet deadline requirements. I might dive headfirst into the process just because I don’t think I’ll get in. At least there is no GRE this year. At least I will have tried for once in my life instead of resting on my laurels for something to magically motivate me into that successful, clever woman filled with potential everyone used to make me out to be.

Say a prayer and good words for my guidance, because I’m doing this totally blindfolded. 💎✨ :’)

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