Even when I don’t want to

I am trying to add 15-20 minutes of productive activity to my days so that I can improve my skills and actually work towards my ambitious goal of maybe someday designing and writing my own children’s book… or coffee table book… or young adult fiction novel… or memoir… or literally anything I could possibly muster up the energy to complete.

I have a lot of dreamy projects that are just dreams. You know… Like what you’re not supposed to let your dreams just be.

I often think about how good I would be at my favorite hobbies if I had just spent 20 minutes a day practicing. Or even if I practiced 20 minutes a day, three times a week? Or literally 20 minutes a day once a week.

I have random spurts of motivation, when I will be very interested in “bettering myself” and I’ll do everything that I’m supposed to do: exercise, write, draw, practice the guitar, do my daily chores, SHOWER, go outside (haha siiiike.)

Although I am trying to force myself to go outside at least once a day if I can.

Lucky for me, the weather has been gloomy and chilly this spring, so it’s actually okay to choose to stay in without too much judgement. I also have an elliptical now, which I have totally been hitting every day and not just because I am going to be in Florida and I’m trying to fit into my pre-quarantine clothing so I don’t have to buy too much new stuff.

Even a one mile walk around the block, which is about 20 minutes — what a surprise! — would have helped me improve my mood and my lumps.

But the past is the past and now is now and in a moment of intuition and slight craziness, I started doing my graduate school applications. I was accepting into a certificate program for publishing, but the deadlines for the graduate programs I am interested in are still upcoming.

I figure in the few weeks that I will be working on the various parts of the graduate school applications, I can force myself to do those helpful, productive hobbies that may be the difference between me accomplishing something tangible and being a loaf on the couch, part 2, just with a Master’s degree (or certificate and Master’s degree? Or just a certificate? 🤔)

So, even on days like today, which are very Lo fi hip hop beats to relax/study to outside… when I just want to read Anansi Boys and graphic novels all day… or watch and rewatch foreign movies, or snuggle the cats and eat s’mores made on our NYC gas stove..

I will try my best to force myself to write and draw, at the very least, for 20 minutes every weekday (or if I’m working on something worthwhile, every GD day!)

EVEN WHEN I DON’T WANT TO.