Needed this draw today

I feel badly that I only consult my tarot when I’m in a really bad place and my life feels totally out of control.

I always find that it gives me a sense of perspective and if I’m not happy with my draw, it still gives me an idea about the things in my life that I can change for the better.

Tbh typically when I’m unhappy with my draw it’s because it’s telling me something that I know is true, but I don’t want to hear. It’s always hard seeing The Devil.

Last time I felt this sorry for myself, I was in a different headspace and I decided to redirect my negative emotions in some positive things: exercising, self-care, art.

I don’t know. This time I’m feeling really dejected and lonely, but I’m not emotionally ready to reach out to my friends because I’m feeling so blue.

I want to be in bed all day, but I did that yesterday and it just felt weird and even more lonely.

The cats were all hovering around me, so maybe they know I’m upset. Even though that sounds a bit mad. Four cats sleeping right near me while I lay indignant and suffering is a good indicator that they knew something was up with me. They were fed and everything, too. So call it what you will, I call it true love. 😻

I didn’t want the balcony saps yesterday. It was overcast and nice weather, and I think they can be watered less now that they have germinated. I didn’t want to let the living things be neglected just because I am feeling spoopy, so I was kind of grateful that knowing they could go one day without care. Is that bad? I never do that with my pets, no matter how crappy I am feeling.

It makes me think about the other ways I’m negligent to everyone and everything else when I don’t feel well. Sorry friends, I’ll text back soon. I know I hate it when you don’t respond right away, so I don’t want to cause the same stressful feelings.

Sorry to myself for having and old school freak out followed by a traditional crash. We don’t have to pick up exactly where we left off, but at least we know what is going to make us feel better than moping in agony. We can do better today. And tomorrow. And so on.

I left my tarot deck near my side of the couch so I can use it more often. All the time, not just when I need guidance on some stuff that is hard to see when your judgement is clouded emotions.

Still feel mega spoopy. I don’t think I feel like keeping up with my exercise routine today, but will try to do more reading and writing and drawing and *~self soothing~*

-__- I just hate this feeling like: another beautiful weekend wasted because I was feeling so shitty I couldn’t even force myself to enjoy it. *Stays inside hiding from the world with the doors and windows open* that’s the best I can do right now. >.<

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