Remember yesterday when I said I was going to take advantage of my office being work-ready and write early? Well, I have failed at that and now I’m in my bed writing this post on my phone so I can legally check it off Tusk.
I’m probably not going to get the full 20 minutes in, but it’s better than nothing considering I’ve felt so lazy and unmotivated today. Literally the only thing on my mind is food and meal planning and cooking and calories and weighing in tomorrow morning and how this was a hard weekend for my diet because I saw basically all of my friends and it was a holiday and we went to a baseball game and there was much alcohol and I’m seeing my friend tomorrow and I wonder what we are going to eat because if it’s going to be something delicious and most likely high calories then I don’t want to eat anything until I see her which means pretty much being really disciplined to the point of starvation so I can actually enjoy my dinner without feeling guilty.
Honestly the food and calorie stress came hard today because I was feeling too depressed to move around a lot and do a lot of cleaning. I didn’t even hit the elliptical today so I didn’t reach the calorie burning goal that I set on my Fitbit. Wah. My life is sooooo difficult. It’s ruled by food and scheduling and I never feel like I have enough time in a day and I don’t even know what I’m going to do when school starts. Maybe I will be able to focus because I am paying a zillion dollars and I literally cannot afford to do a bad job.
Or maybe I’ll just keep cycling back into crisis mode after loaf mode. Shirk. Panic. Half ass something. Regret my decisions. Repeat.
I’m implementing my good habits. I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do. When am I going to break my bad habits?
I’m scared to weigh in tomorrow because of this hard week, but I’m hoping by next Thursday I will be back on track. Maybe this week should count towards that “last summer of freedom” I keep thinking about, but can never actually enjoy because I get too ants-in-my-pants if I’m not doing something, but sometimes I’m do depressed to do anything.
I can barely focus on reading, so it’s hard to check it off the list. Comics and graphic novels to make up for it? Sounds like a good idea to meeeee.
FOCUS, MOODY, FOCUS! You can do it. 🥲