I start school in only a few weeks and I’m trying to make the most of my last fleeting moments of freedom by having as much fun as possible before the 25th.
Technically, I have an orientation for one of my schools tomorrow, so it feels a bit like school is already starting tomorrow. Me and my partner are going on a trip to Massachusetts from Saturday until Thursday, but I’m considering the start of my vacation as soon as the mandatory group advisement is over!
The only things I want to do this week are clean my apartment for our apt sitter, work out, and clean up, get cute, and READ!
Basically, I’m just trying to kick start my brain before school starts so it doesn’t all hit me like a rock since I’ve been out of academic practice for soooooooo loooooooong.
Reading and exercising and getting sunshine all help. I’m letting *~the universe~* guide me in everything, even if you think that sounds very woo-woo, this kind of thinking has led me to my perfect life. The only problems I ever have usually start in my own head: the fear, the sadness, the madness. I know logically I tell myself I have it all, but you know from reading my blog that I often have trouble keeping the crazies at bay.
I think that I’m constantly living in a dream world. Maybe that’s why I’m so excited to smoke and reach that “higher plane” that makes the line between all the worlds a little fuzzier, which makes it a little bit easier to blend into the ether? Either way I have been smoking less often, or later because I do think it makes me lazy on top of making everything soft and rosy. I’m not saying I’m quitting; I’m just trying to coexist with the weeds more responsibly. If that’s even possible?
My partner says he doesn’t understand how people can function while they’re high and I am full of shame because I think I am high so often that my natural state is stoned. Yes, I’m totally the kind of person who smokes all day and reads books and draws. I’ve even gotten into high exercising when I heard about weed gyms in California! It’s amazingggg. But I feel the judgement of society when I think about smoking literally. all. day. Or before noon, or ten on weekends. 😛 Or that I feel lost and I hate working, or that I don’t want to go back to school. I think people are judgemental about my alternative lifestyle behind my back and that makes me want to do a little better, but not stop doing what I like and living my best life just because everyone else expects me to be a certain way.
I’ll feel better when I daydream less and start accomplishing things in the real world. Especially if I don’t have to give up too many of my vices to make that happen.
I just want to smoke all day and watch cartoons and draw pictures and stay up late and sleep until 10am and wear my pink t-shirt that says “HIGH” and my dirty white Keds and read and write and live but I can’t because of society.
I’ll only bend to society’s will a bit, but not until after I’ve gone in vacation.
Will be spending some time in Salem. The witches are calling me. 🙂 It’s that pull from the universe I was talking about. 😉
Miss Moody Lilac 