Yesterday while visiting my friends’ new apartment in Queens, I asked my boyfriend if I smelled bad after a few hours of horsing around and playfully raised my arm for him to get a full whiff.
And he said… YES!
UGHHHHH WHY?!
Oh my gods I have never been more humiliated in my whole life. I’m still mortified today. I can’t be upset at him for telling me the truth… I asked for it!
But GEEZ! I haven’t been able to get over it because now my anxious, insecure brain has all these other insecurities doing their work inside my head to make me miserable.
I ask myself: how bad do I smell? How often do I smell badly? Do I smell worse than this sometimes? Can other people (including my boyfriend) smell my odor and are too polite to let me know? When did this all start? When I gained weight? Is it hormonal? Is it from medication? Is it because of my age? My diet?
More importantly: how do I make it go away?
Should I shower multiple times a day? Should I shower earlier? Should I shower before bed, no matter how tired I am? Is this natural deodorant not cutting it? What kind of deodorant should I use? Should I use a combination of things? Should I get a prescription? Doesn’t deodorant increase the likelihood of getting breast cancer? Will people notice when I start school?
Should I change my clothes and pajamas every night instead of keeping a “day two” pile? How often can I keep using antibacterial soap on my body before the “good” bacteria gets destroyed? (Though, in my opinion, I can’t see any stanky armpit bacteria being good.)
Should I switch back to regular laundry detergent even though it gives me a rash? Is a rash less humiliating than armpit stank? What other parts of my body am I nose-blind to?
Have I just become the smelly hippie everyone predicted I would become?
Fait accompli!
Tips for smelly hippie girls are greatly appreciated. 🥲 killmenow.
Miss Moody Lilac 