Do I Smell Bad? (& Other Insecurities)

Yesterday while visiting my friends’ new apartment in Queens, I asked my boyfriend if I smelled bad after a few hours of horsing around and playfully raised my arm for him to get a full whiff.

And he said… YES!

UGHHHHH WHY?!

Oh my gods I have never been more humiliated in my whole life. I’m still mortified today. I can’t be upset at him for telling me the truth… I asked for it!

But GEEZ! I haven’t been able to get over it because now my anxious, insecure brain has all these other insecurities doing their work inside my head to make me miserable.

I ask myself: how bad do I smell? How often do I smell badly? Do I smell worse than this sometimes? Can other people (including my boyfriend) smell my odor and are too polite to let me know? When did this all start? When I gained weight? Is it hormonal? Is it from medication? Is it because of my age? My diet?

More importantly: how do I make it go away?

Should I shower multiple times a day? Should I shower earlier? Should I shower before bed, no matter how tired I am? Is this natural deodorant not cutting it? What kind of deodorant should I use? Should I use a combination of things? Should I get a prescription? Doesn’t deodorant increase the likelihood of getting breast cancer? Will people notice when I start school?

Should I change my clothes and pajamas every night instead of keeping a “day two” pile? How often can I keep using antibacterial soap on my body before the “good” bacteria gets destroyed? (Though, in my opinion, I can’t see any stanky armpit bacteria being good.)

Should I switch back to regular laundry detergent even though it gives me a rash? Is a rash less humiliating than armpit stank? What other parts of my body am I nose-blind to?

Have I just become the smelly hippie everyone predicted I would become?

Fait accompli!

Tips for smelly hippie girls are greatly appreciated. 🥲 killmenow.

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