To be honest, today was only the orientation and I am feeling extremely intimidated by the faculty and staff at one of my schools and their intellect levels and their accomplishments and the very narrow areas of study in which they are experts.
I also started searching for and printing out some of the recommended reading for one of my courses and prepping for my first class tomorrow and I am LE SCARE! It’s a lot! And I wasn’t even able to access all of them online, so it’s pretty much only half of the suggestions. 😭 I mean, even though I might be a little rusty in terms of academia because I waited a few years before returning to school, I think I can definitely be in my element after a few weeks with the reading and writing and planning my tasks and scheduling my assignments.
I’m actually good at all that stuff, despite my neuroticism and anxiety about the amount of stuff that I have to be reading. I mean, I do read very often as you knoooow. But this is grad school reading and it ain’t easy. And there is going to be so much read. And so much jargon. And discussion boards. And UGH maybe exams at the other school? Which I am not good at. I’m still kind of excited about it though. And I am so burnt out already!
I am not very excited about having to participate in Zoom classes because I am afraid that I will sound like a derp or my cats will be hollering at the door and make a ruckus while lecture is going on and I will feel ashamed. I also don’t want to go onto the two campuses once or twice a week for the hybrid style classes and have to wear a mask for like 5 hours a day, but that’s life with COVID in NYC womppp.
I’m also a bit terrified to take the subway all the way down to *~FiDi~* and Midtown with all the subway attacks happening around the city, so pray for me that I won’t physically come to harm just to some education under my belt. I should buy one of those cute lil pink tasers that all my girl friends have!
So my current anxieties about school are: keeping up w/ school with dumb pudding brains, the amount of reading that I have to do, my professor pre-hating me for all of the drama surrounding my registration for his class, and generally not knowing what to expect at Pace since it’s a private school and so far seeming like more trouble than it was worth the big bucks I shelled out!
But after the orientation today, I am overall excited about everything. Still scared, but kind of in a good way for once? And I might have a Master’s degree at the end of it.
If I finish these classes with a diploma at the end of it…Worth!