I once saw on television that things that are particularly bad or good can set off your emotional disorders. I don’t know if that’s pop science or what, but I certainly feel that way sometimes because I get anxious or depressed even when I’ve had genuine euphoria.
Case in point: I was at Comic-Con on Thursday and Friday and that was mad unfiltered dopamine release for every search-and-find, cosplay recognition, relevant panel, new artist, purchase, and free gift I experienced.
But all of that serotonin and shit has definitely backfired and after all the fun of dressing up (and dressing back down on Friday to browse in PURE COMFORT) I have been plagued with overwhelming feelings of dread. Yes, DREAD! Like, the world is awful, I predict bad things in my future and, oh yeah, GRAD SCHOOL!
I’ve been trying to reset: books, tv, vegetables, staying on top of my schoolwork schedule, playing with the kitties, sleeping more than necessary for a human… & BRO, multivitamins.
I mean, I haven’t gone outside and gotten sunshine, but that’s a pretty good start imo.
Here are my woes: I’m not doing well in school, I don’t want to go onto campus this week, I have a lot of schoolwork and I am worried about getting everything done this week, I am worried I won’t get good grades for the work I’m putting in, need to work exercise back into my schedule, need to post on my blog more often, need to edit and upload my photos but maybe people won’t like them, need to buy frames for all my NYCC prints and that’s going to cost so much money, oh my god I spent way too much money at Comic-Con, I need to start cooking food at home instead of ordering so much takeout, I need to read more often bc I have had a hard time concentrating on leisurely reading, I need to play with the cats more, I need to dress cute or else people won’t like me, I am breaking out on the forehead why not under my maskable area? I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m unhealthy, I’m lazy, I’m stupid. Why can’t I just stay in bed all day?
But honestly, I’m reading Midnight Library by Matt Haig and the book says something like our life is about as important as an oyster is to us in the terms of the universe so that makes me feel a little bit better about not taking the school shit TOO seriously even though I do really want to get good grades but somewhat feeling like I’m doing such a poor job that I won’t get higher than B- in anything and that makes me feel like I’m not trying hard enough but what if I am trying hard enough and that’s the best I can do? 😦
Gonna work on getting my mood back up while simultaneously juggling the schoolwork and housework and trying to look cute. Bed is looking more and more cozy by the minute. WAH!