I Couldn’t Know Until Later

First Week Technically Over

Yes, since I only have classes two days a week this semester, my first week of school is officially over for Spring 2022. I’m still fairly uncertain about that one course that focuses on creating research projects. As of right now, it seems daunting and overwhelming. I think I always feel very lost and confused at the beginning of the semester when I am reading the objectives on my various syllabi. Hopefully, by the end of the semester, I will be a student who actually can do this, that, and the other thing listed in the prospective aims.

The course I had yesterday is ~Film Theories~ and basically everyone has some kind of background in theater or film and I’ve never quite rolled in the same circles as theater students, but I did befriend someone who is a screenwriter and even teaches screenwriting. That is something that I like to think that I am interested in, and have even imagined myself doing for fun some time.

I can barely force myself to keep up with writing for 15 minutes a day in my best mood on this blog, so I don’t know how I would manage to compose an entire screenplay, but I have a few ideas. I’ve started working on scripts in the past. And you know me, I rarely finish anything. Maybe I’ll absorb some inspiration from these artistes and complete something that I am proud of and can share with the world.

I don’t know if I was worn out from reintegrating Adderall back into my diet, but today I felt utterly useless. I let my boyfriend take over all of the chores, and besides playing with the cats, it is fair to say that I got absolutely nothing on my To-Do List done.

And that’s fine.

Maybe Thursday can be my rest day this semester since I didn’t technically have one last semester. I can regroup on Fridays and study Saturday through Monday again and I think I’ll be in a pretty good place with readings, screenings, and writing. Gods willing

I have to find a good balance on Thursdays, though. I couldn’t know that I needed an entire day off to do shenanigans and not work my brain too hard until I went to meditate at noon and woke up at 3pm, realizing that I didn’t do anything more than take a nap. No astral projection, no spirit animal guidance, no lucid dreaming. Just a weird goodbye and hello again in which time simply fast-forwarded and I decided that I should take it easy for the rest of the evening.

I think I’ll get over the guilt associated with my lack of accomplishments today if I make sure to actually set an alarm and get some shit done tomorrow.

It wasn’t a total wash, however. I did my Duolingo (29-day streak 😭,) I messed around on TikTok to keep the damn thing active, and I’m writing this thoughtless blog post now. If that doesn’t sound like a lot to you emotionally stable folks out there, try having lifelong depression. The excitement of school probably set something off in me. And I was doing so well yesterday!

Mood fluctuations are a bitch. πŸ™‚

My 15 minutes have been achieved. Tomorrow is another day to be even better.

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