Why Am I So Bad at This?


15 minutes a day is too hard with depression I guess?

I was watching a self-help video about procrastination and how I might be more likely to procrastinate because of my ~condition~.

Is that true? Am I getting a bunch of self help videos confused? Did I dream that?

It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that, as always, I have trouble starting things. I love writing. I do. Sometimes I think I spend more time slapping out text messages than writing anything valuable that can help me later.

I want to know the writing process of some of the creative people in my classes. Like, when do you sit down to practice your screenwriting? Your creative fiction? Your poetry?

Sometimes when I’m inspired, the best I can do is use my thumbs to document something not profound or funny or cute and it’s tucked away in the cloud for no one to see. Not even me because I honestly am afraid to reread some of my old things.

Or maybe it’s that my life rarely has any tragedy and the art isn’t coming through. Bringing up the sadness and pain in order to transcribe it puts me in a strange headspace and maybe now that everything is actually okay, I’m too afraid to go there.

I have notebooks sitting unused. I’m paying $350 a year for this blog and I think of it as another daily chore. How do I get my spirit back? Can I only write when something is haunting me?

I think I’ll try Better Than Yesterday’s mini habits for success instead. If I don’t put a time limit on my goals, maybe I’ll be more likely to enjoy them. 1 minute of writing is better than not writing anything, after all.

It’s kind of like my 25 jumping jacks a day trick. It seems like nothing to people committed to health and fitness, but to me, it was better than nothing. Now, I definitely take my health a little more seriously (and can probably do 26 jumping jacks) because I only started with what I could mentally handle.

I’d rather write one word on here and keep it active than force myself to write for 15 mins here or somewhere else. How many times have I tried and failed to come up with a system that worked for me consistently?

I can’t keep count — as you can probably tell, numbers don’t really agree with me. šŸ™‚

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