Unfocused ASF

A Case of Homeworkitis

The plan today was simply to do three readings for class tomorrow and write the weekly paragraph summarizing the methods used in each respective article. This is not a hard assignment, the studies are fascinating because they are all about childhood unfairness and inequity. Creating research study methods and writing APA-style papers are all new to me, so I am excited to do this assignment because I know that it will help me learn. I can get a lot out of this besides learning the actual results of each individual study.

But something about today (do I say this like… every day?!) kept me cozy in bed, catching up on the last two seasons of Rick and Morty and stressing about the readings sitting open on my desk.

Yes, I prepared as far as opening the articles on my iPad, taking out my notebook, and neatly placing my pen on the desk. I even started reading one of these articles on Friday, when I decided to take an impromptu day off because I was feeling depressed or burnt out or just faking it. Joke.

I got a few pages of reading and half a page of handwritten notes in and decided to come back to it today. Now it is now and instead of focusing on the article in front of me, I pulled out my laptop and decided to write.

Why am I so distracted today?! Yes, Rick and Morty was hilarious and clever, but it was really more of an excuse not to isolate myself in my office space and study. I know what you’re thinking, just get it over with and you can be free.

I was thinking that, too, but I can’t focus on these words. I am scheming about how to redistribute my work just in case I don’t get everything finished today. Or if I don’t get anything finished at all. Or I could skip class.

These are all options. Not the best options, but I have to give myself multiple scenarios so I don’t put myself in a worse position. Ugh.

I thought writing out my feels might help me focus on my current task, so we’ll see how it goes.

One smart decision was to screen the two movies for class on Wednesday this morning so I won’t be scrambling to make time before class to watch a movie. I can speed read and take good enough notes that I can get away with not fully focusing on reading something, but I literally can’t watch a film faster than it is playing in front of me. A horrible mistake I made these past two weeks. I managed to get it all done by the skin of my teeth, but I need to stop dicking around.

I kind of feel like yesterday. Do doctors feel like this? Should I bother being a doctor? When am I going to get my shit together? I need a job. I need to read these articles and write my paragraph and tweet 5 tweets and read 65 pages for that other class.

And I have plenty of time, but do I have plenty of mental fortitude? I don’t know. I’m kind of sick of this Lo-Fi playlist today and I am telling myself that I will get it done by bedtime.

Don’t panic. Only great things lie ahead.

Do your homework and live forever.

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