I Did & Did Not

Milk & Honey

I am currently on the train home after 4 long hours of classes that I didn’t want to go to and some social interaction that I absolutely needed.

Because of COVID and this new world order, it’s easy to forget the privilege of being able to leave your campus situated across the street from the Empire State Building and walk to any number of lovely gastropubs still open past 9pm and enjoy a drink with a like-minded scholar (who doesn’t drink) and take in the glorious megalophobia of the towering, glistening structures surrounding Madison Square Garden and a post office bigger than your flyover state’s supreme court building (probably.)

I’m currently slapping this bullshit out trying to meet my writing quota for the day, and honestly trying to distract myself on the commute so I don’t think about having to pee… Which I do at this point.

Today was a shit show of studying. I totally did my assignment wrong and I was 10 mins late to class and I spent way too long doing the damn tweets which didn’t leave the impact I anticipated on the prof or class. Most likely because I did it like… 3 hours before class.

But still. They offered a poignant analysis to our screening and addressed a perspective not typically noted by my classmates aka a black female LGBTQ+ POV.

All in all I think class was fine, but boy do I feel like an idiot in my research and methods course because I literally have no idea what I’m doing and I understand ~nothing~!

Tbh I think I’m crushing the film and tv courses so I think I’ll have to divert my efforts into the class I am struggling in so I know wtf I am doing 6 months from now when that capstone is in the works.

I am trying to manifest something good work-wise (or financial-wise) into my life. I wonder if I’ll feel more fulfilled in my life if I was getting paid to do literally anything. Would it give me a sense of purpose, or would it make me feel less bad about wanting to just be yucked up and write manic prose all the time? Is that a job? Can I take donations for that?

Here is my ko-fi! Send me $3 so I can keep entertaining you with my mental illnesses forever and ever? It will help pay for my Prozac.

So hot and almost home. Sleeping until infinity tomorrow and then going to be back on my same procrastinating bullshit.

At least class isn’t until 630p tomorrow. :^)